Ross M: Conceptually Gross writesTop Five: Songs They Should Play When I Walk Into a Room

by Ross Meyerson

I think anyone with a passing interest in music has thought about what their theme song, soundtrack or at-bat song might be. But what about when you enter a room? What mood would you set through music?

Sure, it would be easy to pick, say, five party anthems, and I'm sure for some of y'all that would be fitting. Maybe you are a walking, talking, breathing "Louie Louie." More power to you. It may come as a shock to those who know me, but I am not that. With that in mind, here are five songs I think suit me well. Some might be spot on, some might be wishful thinking, some might just be to annoy you…

5. "At The Graves" by King Diamond

Hailing from the King's fourth solo album Conspiracy, "At The Graves" might require a little suspense and patience for my friends. For about a minute and a half, a twinkling childish piano plays but once the song kicks in, King commands you (well, demons, actually. But you haven't met my friends.) to "rise, rise, rise." Sometimes subtlety is not in the cards. Get off your butts, nerds, I'm here.

4. "Apology For An Accident" by American Music Club

Hey, man, sometimes life just isn't going your way and the best you can do is try to bring everyone down to your sad sack level, and there is no one sad-sackier than Mark Eitzel. Starting out mopey over the loss of yet another love, "Apology For An Accident" eventually turns much darker and angrier. By the end, I want my friends drinking and smoking and wishing I never showed up. Deal with it.

3. “Sweet Leaf” by Black Sabbath

I may have given up the sweet leaf years ago but most often my vibe is still of the laid-back variety. What better way to introduce yourself than with a cough and that slow, doomy riff? Stop what you're doing because we are flopping onto a couch, putting on some music, and shooting the shit all night. This might be number three but I feel like this is probably the most accurate to who I am and what I want from a room full of friends.

2. "Raining Blood" by Slayer

In a way, the most "duh" pick out of the five. I kind of think if you can't imagine yourself entering a room to this beast, you are wasting your life. Rain? Thunder? Pounding drums? The greatest metal riff of all time? Yeah, it's got it all. This would be the most loving tribute I could give to my gaggle of friends. Simply put, this tune says "Hey, I am this excited to see you, pals." Slayer excited is as excited as excited gets, says I.

1. "Soulful Strut" by Young-Holt Unlimited

No doubt, no brainer. The second this list was conceived, I knew this peppy tune was the undisputed number one. Also, yes, this is the most wishful thinking of them all. As much as I love the idea of this being my theme, I am hardly perceived as a soulful strutter. Hey, man, dreams are for dreamers and I'm daring to dream. When I walk into a room and this song kicks in, you know I am leading my friends right back out of the room and onto the street. We will walk, point at the fellas hanging out on the corner, wave to the woman sitting on their stoops, and roll wayward soccer balls back to the neighborhood kids. Right? Of course. You know what I'm saying.

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